Your Attention, Please

I just ordered a sign. I'm not sure exactly where I will hang it but I'm thinking maybe outside the front door. Here's what it says: Please turn your cell phone, ipad, ipod or any other electronically connected devices off. If you feel you cannot go without texting, checking email or facebook or taking calls, please come visit us another time. By the end of the holidays I was ready to toss every cell phone user out of my home. What is with the need to be plugged in or connected every second? From my 16 year old granddaughter to my 33 year old daughter to my brother to my friends, the electronic device seemed to be permanently attached to their hands.

Am I being unreasonable? No. Am I that boring to them? Well, that is another question all together. Am I guilty of excessive cell phone/internet use? Ok, now that is getting a bit too close to home. I do have to admit that there are times when I text or answer texts that could very well wait. I know I am not doing it as an intentional slight to those around me and yet that is exactly what it feels like when you are on the receiving end of it.

And here is the other thing I've noticed. The more plugged in I am, the more I have to do, the busier I am. One text leads me to think of contacting someone else, who suggests another possibility and before I know it an hour has gone by.

Does any of this land for you? I've begun this year by asking myself if the busy-ness I complain about or the busy-ness that keeps me from being better balanced or more focused on self care isn't just my own self-destructive choices reminding me of their consequences.

From now on checking email on weekends will be done once a day only. It's a small step but it is a step. And no more non urgent texting at any time! OMG. I can feel the withdrawl pains already. I guess that sign should go in my office, huh?

Signing off,
Nancy

Nancy Leport is a certified life coach and certified PeopleMap Trainer. She can be reached at nleport@frontiernet.net, 585-768-4684 or by going to www.nancyleport.com. And if you try to reach her on the weekend, be patient. She only checks her phone and email once a day!

Are You Sleeping?

I went to bed at 6 pm last night and I wasn't sick...just tired, very tired. As a result of my checking out so early I missed text messages from my daughters, supper with my husband and any other responsibility that might have been mine to attend to, respond to or finish up. And you know what? The sun still came up this morning and the world is still spinning on its axis.

I've never done that before. No matter how tired or sick I was there were things I had to take care of. Sleep came after everything else was done and everyone else was tended to. What about you? Does the thought of it give you palpitations or does it feel like a glorious luxury you could definitely see yourself doing?

As a culture we are sleep deprived. As busy women we passed sleep deprived so long ago we aren't sure what is a normal sleep cycle anymore. And some women who say they can't sleep are only dealing with the fallout from not being able to shut off their brains, their to do lists,or their endless sense of responsibility.

Study after study has shown the positive effect of enough sleep on our bodies and our productivity but still we claim we don't need it, don't have time for it or can't. Is this really a badge we want to wear? What does it tell our children about the need to care for our bodies by getting enough sleep? What does it say about our own self-respect?

So I'm going to challenge you for the new year to get enough sleep, make it a priority, put your health first and see what surprises await you.

(PS My early bedtime threw my husband so much that he didn't sleep at all last night. Too bad, because it was a lovely night for sleeping!).

Give Yourself a Gift

This morning a colleague of mine posed the question "what gift would you give yourself?" And so I am borrowing that question and posing it to you because it is a great question! In coaching we called questions like these inquiries. An inquiry can't be answered quickly and requires some time and reflection before we can formulate an answer. This was truly an inquiry because as we struggled to answer it we began to see the many layers that wrapped themselves around it.

There is the layer of cost. The layer of intent. The layer of why. The layer of what. The layer of how. The layer of when. The layer of guilt. The layer of practicality. The layer of need vs want. The layer of pleasure vs. denial. The layer of motivation. The layer of indifference. The layer of fear. The layer of joy. The layer of grace. Well, you get the idea.

Many of you who read this blog have said that you wish for the gift of time for yourself. What woud this gift look like...I mean really look like in the flesh and blood of your reality? How many layers have you peeled back in order to face this as an inquiry that could change your life? What would it take for you to do this? What gift can you give yourself to begin that process?

I doubt this will be a gift you will find wrapped and placed on your doorstep, although it could be a gift that is right under your feet.

Who Do You Trust?

This blog is a much more practical and perhaps a bit 'in your face' than most of my blogs are! So let's get right down to it. Do you have a doctor you can trust? By that I mean have you established a relationship with a doctor who knows you and whom you know you can talk to when medical issues arise? I know it seems like such a basic question. Yet I just was talking to a friend who doesn't.And she is in a lot of turmoil because she is going from one doctor to another and then checking out their recommendations on the internet and not complying with their treatment plan. She is getting more and more confused, trusting them less and less and only increasing her original problem.

This truly is a self-care issue. We need to have experts in our lives whom we trust and to whom we can turn when we enter unknown territory without a map. And this does not just mean physicians. What about a lawyer? An accountant? Or other professionals whose advice we all need from time to time. Having a relationship with folks like this can make reaching out to them so much easier to do - long before the situation becomes a major crisis.

Take some time for yourself this week and, if you haven't already, start making some professional connections. Ask friends who they would recommend? Call your insurance company or the medical society. Schedule that appointment for your annual check up/mammogram if you haven't done so in a long time. Look over your financial/legal records. Do you need tax advice? Do you need a will?

Caring for yourself in this way will save you much time later when you may not have the time to research and investigate on your own. And the peace of mind it will bring you is well worth a little extra effort right now. Get to it! :) You'll be glad you did.

What is Stopping You?

Recently I did a workshop that allowed the participants to have a 30 minute block of time for reflection and rest. This time was meant to give them an opportunity to reconnect with their souls, with what is important in them and to see what needs tending to. I was concerned that this was not enough time. Imagine my surprise when more than 50% of the group did not take advantage of the opportunity to be still!

In a group where many professed burn out and the need to just sit and be, when the opportunity arose they wouldn't or couldn't take advantage of it. Now I'm not being judgmental here, just descriptive. And I wish I could say I didn't understand but I do...alll too well.

How long does it take you to unhook from your busy-ness? When I'm on vacation I need a minimum of 2 days to even get into the vacation mode and let go of what I've left undone or to stop thinking about what I'm going back to. Our bodies and minds get in the groove of doing and it can be almost impossible to apply the brakes and stop without significant whiplash.

Jim Loehr and Tony Schwarz in their book The Power of Full Engagement tell us that after 2 hours of work our bodies need a minimum of 20 minutes to rest. Do you do that? What is stopping you from beginning this practice? Or do you just need 'practice' in establishing this new habit? Canyou take 20-30 minutes of quiet time today to reflect on these questions and to let your body recover? Or are you too busy?

Simplicity, Patience, Compassion

Lao-Tzu taught "I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These are your greatest treasures. Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world."

So many times I hear from busy women, my inner voice included, that 'I can't slow down and rest or take some time for myself because no one else will pick up the slack or no one else will even think about doing it or I can't relax til everything is done.' Sound familiar? You bet is does. Sound very compassionate toward yourself? Not at all.

As we get busier and more stressed our body begins to respond to the pressure we are putting on it. The response is often outward manifesting itself in illness or exhaustion. Then, we stop to heal. (Hopefully). The response of our bodies is also inward, internal, as cells begin to break down, the immune system becomes dysfunctional, our heart and lungs are taxed more and the stress hormones flooding our system attack whatever gets in their way. How does doing damage to our bodies increase our ability to be available to the world and each other? It doesn't.

Just as the body is only as healthy as its individual cells, the world (our families, our colleagues, our friends, our acquaintances) is only as healthy as its individual souls. If we don't take care of our souls compassionately, the whole world suffers.

As Lao-Tzu points out bringing simplicity, patience, and compassion into our inner and outer beings will bring health to not just ourselves but those around us as well.

With the Christmas season off and running, where will you find simplicity, cultivate patience and show compassion to yourself? It might be a leap to say this but jump I will...these are the things that make for peace on earth.

Squinting

Recently while driving in Williamsburg in a rain storm, I was focused so closely on where I was supposed to turn that I actually turned into the wrong lane. There I was heading into oncoming traffic. Such fun!!! NOT. Fortunately, I was able to move over the median and into my own lane without too much distress except to my poor passenger. The next day I drove the same route and tried to understand how I made such a mistake. As I looked at the entire intersection it seemed obvious but as I thought about how I was squinting and being so focused on an opening into which to turn the night before I saw how I missed it. I wasn't looking at the bigger area. I was too narrowly focused, hyper alert and squinting.

Mark Nepo talks about how in the alertness of a crisis, paying attention to too much detail we 'squint'narrowing our focus. In doing so we often miss the very thing we need to move through it. In other words we can cut out as much of what we need as what we fear.

As busy women, we squint a lot. We get so focused on what has to be done, needs to be done and the deadlines looming whether at work or at home, we often miss the bigger picture and cut out what we need most to move us through our busy lives. I don't even want to begin to count the number of times that I got so focused on details or time constraints that I steamrolled right over the very people I needed to make the project or the relationship a success. I wish I had lots of hours, days, months and even years back where I squinted through trying to get way too much accomplished and missed the bigger picture of where my 'heart's eye'needed to look. A wider focus would have helped.

Where are you squinting? What is your heart's eye calling you to see? How wide is your focus in the key areas of your life?